Marketing & Toilet Paper (not so different after all)

The other day, I met my TMI friend Lisa for lunch. I call her my “TMI friend” because you can always count on Lisa to share wayyyyy too much information.

Our food had just arrived and I was aiming a delicious, steamy, heaping forkful of baked salmon toward my mouth right as she blurted out: “So I was sitting on the toilet the other day…”

Ummm, really? The fork hung in mid air and I gave her a long, side-eye glare.

This is what I’m talking about when I say she’s my TMI friend. She finds a way to say the grossest things at exactly the wrong time (like when I’m trying to get my lunch on).

I’ll spare you the gory details, but here’s the gist – she decided to save a little money and bought cheap toilet paper. Let’s just say it does NOT perform well when push comes to shove (if you know what I mean).

Being a bit of a business nerd, this got me thinking about marketing. Believe it or not, toilet paper and marketing have a lot more in common than you might imagine.

The Problem: Poor Quality Sneaks Up On You

marketing and toilet paperThe first problem with buying cheap toilet paper is you don’t realize how awful it is until you’ve already got your pants around your ankles.

Have you ever hired someone from Fiverr to do designer work? That’s the marketing equivalent of buying cheap toilet paper.

You might spend only $5 initially, but it may take several hours to find a reputable vendor, even more time to explain what you need before you realize they don’t have the skill set to deliver. Then you spend another $5, more time and more frustration before you finally (FINALLY!) walk away with a finished product. And even then the quality of the work is just…meh.

Was it worth the savings? Not really.

As a small business owner, your time is your number one asset. It’s up to you to protect it! Click to Tweet

The Problem: You need TP everyday

If you only had to use toilet paper once a year you might be able to get away with saving a little dough and going with itchy, scratchy, transparent 1-ply toilet paper. But let’s face it – you use toilet paper Every. Damn. Day. Go ahead and invest in the luxuriously soft, quilted, 3-ply option.

Ready for the marketing tie in? Here it is — think about what you do for a living and say it out loud. (Yes, say it out loud right now…I’ll wait).

Did you say something like “coaching” or “retail” or “software”? Think again. You are in marketing, friend. We all are.

As small business owners, we wear a lot of hats. The most important one is our marketing hat. Because without marketing we don’t have customers. And without customers we don’t have a business. And without a business…well, you see where I’m going with this.

Marketing is the greatest driver of new and repeat customers. You don’t market yourself once a year, you market yourself eleventy-six times a day. Every time you blog, that’s marketing. Every time you post in a Facebook group, that’s marketing. Every time you meet a friend for lunch and you tell her about what you’re working on, that’s marketing too. Everything you do, say and represent is part of the marketing plan for your business.

You need marketing too much to skimp on it.

The Problem: Skimping Says Something (Nasty) About You

Buying cheap toilet paper says something about you – and it’s not good. Take restaurants for example — one of the first signs that a restaurant is going to fold is when they start buying cheap toilet paper.

Why does this matter? Because it’s something the guest notices. When you’re at a nice restaurant and you’re forced to use itchy, scratchy, gross TP you take notice. And it makes you wonder what else they’re skimping on.

Your customers are the same way. The experience they have in the “bathroom” of your business is just as important as the experience they have at the “table”.

Investing in marketing is not a luxury

the toilet paper entrepreneurI did a little research on the difference in price between ultra cheap toilet paper and super-luxe toilet paper (because I’m geeky like that). Here’s what I found:

The cheapest toilet paper on Amazon is $0.71 per roll. So, how much is the fluffy, thick, luxurious stuff? Just $0.79 per roll.

The price difference between crappy marketing and phenomenal marketing isn’t that different either. When you use cheap toilet paper, you have to use twice as much. So it’s really not that “cheap” after all. Don’t let your marketing strategy fall into the trial and error trap or you’ll end up spending twice as much! Click to Tweet

Over to you

So, where did we leave things with Lisa? She decided that cheap toilet paper wasn’t worth the savings. She knows her bum is worth the investment (and so is yours!).

Now, I want to hear from you. What marketing tools have you invested in that were totally worth it? Leave a note in the comments below and let me know!

 

Addressing the Most Frequent Review Objections

Q: But I do have the most reviews overall! Why should I work to get 2 reviews a week when I have 300 more than my next closest competitor?

A: Because those 300 extra reviews likely happened over 5 years. Google doesn’t care. Google cares about which business is actively engaging now. Think of it this way: In a town with two bakeries, would you trust the one that was popular in 2018 or the one that has fresh 4.8-star reviews from yesterday?

Q: How can I automation reviews without looking “spammy” or robotic?

A: The key is timing and personalization. An email sent 4 days later is spam. An email triggered 24 hours later by their POS interaction, referencing their specific visit, and saying, “We love seeing you!” feels like a personalized follow-up. Keep your request language human and humble: “We’re a local business that thrives on honest feedback…” rather than “GIVE US 5 STARS!”

Q: Will getting a 4.1-star review on my 90-day rolling average hurt me more than helpful old 5-star reviews?

A: This is nuanced. A single, recent 4.1 review won’t “tank” you, as your overall (though less-weighted) average is still high. However, if your last 10 reviews in the 90-day window average to a 3.5, you will almost certainly drop in rankings, as Google sees you as a business that is currently underperforming, despite past success. This is why automation that triggers happy customers is critical.

Q: Is it true that Google filters “glowing” 5-star reviews as fake more than “authentic” average reviews?

A: No, that’s a myth. However, Google (and users) do look at patterns. Fifty identical, one-word “GREAT!” reviews left in two days will get flagged. A steady stream of slightly detailed (e.g., mentioning a specific employee or dish), varied (e.g., some detailed 4-star, some simple 5-star) reviews left consistently over weeks is the goal. Authenticity (a mix of opinions) does increase user trust, which improves conversion rate, but Google won’t penalize a legitimate string of recent 5-star acclaim.

Q: If the 90-day window is so critical, what happens if I go on vacation and get 0 reviews for two weeks?

A: This will absolutely create a “dip” in your ranking signals. While you won’t drop from #1 to #20 overnight, your competitors who continued to receive consistent feedback during those two weeks will gain algorithmic ground. This is the ultimate argument for automation. Your automation triggers reviews while you sleep, making your presence constant.

Q: My customers are mostly older/not tech-savvy. How can I possibly automate this or get them to leave a digital review?

A: This is a real challenge, but not insurmountable. Automation can adapt. Instead of automated SMS, use simplified technology: A physical table tablet at checkout that asks for email/phone, or a single-click “feedback” kiosk that opens a form (though this must be used carefully so it’s not a “captive review”). The most effective way is to pair automation (like the email) with a human script: Have staff hand them an appointment card with a QR code and say: “We love serving you! If you get an email from us tomorrow asking for feedback, we would truly value your perspective.”

Conclusion

The old playbook of gathering as many reviews as possible is dead. In 2026, dominance on Google Maps belongs to the businesses that have integrated review generation into their operational DNA.

Success in local SEO now requires prioritizing Review Velocity over total quantity. It demands recognizing the overwhelming influence of the current 90-Day Window. By naturally automating your review acquisition—from post-appointment emails to SMS triggers at point-of-sale—you are ensuring a sustainable, steady stream of feedback that proves to Google and customers alike that your business is vibrant, reliable, and relevant today.

Stop focusing on the count. Start focusing on the flow.

Want us to help you grow your reviews consistently? Let’s Chat!

Join over 5,000 Marketing Minute subscribers who receive weekly videos and tips on how to step up your marketing game

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

We’ll never share your information – Pia Larson
SEO graphic 3

Get a FREE Google and AI Search Visibility Audit To See What You Need To Fix To RANK #1 on Google

AI-powered, only takes 60 seconds to get.

Audit your GBP settings and actions to get an optimization score.

Get a heatmap audit of how well you are currently ranking locally for top keywords.

Get a personalized action plan to improve your GBP and rankings for free.